Hot Topic: Bullying

So obviously one of the hot topics right now that all talk shows, morning news shows, celebrities, magazines, etc are doing stories about right now is bullying, and rightly so. There are 11/12 year olds out there, killing themselves because they are being bullied in school. Most of the stories emerging are ones of boys being outed as gay, and subsequently taking their lives, need I mention Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers freshman, the most recent of the stories to come out on bullying? It's awful that these pre-teens and young adults feel that's all there is. These young boys were tormented into feeling like outsiders and never got the chance to be out in the world where there are more accepting people than the small minded communities they found themselves in.

And don't think it's just boys facing this problem, and causing the problem. Girls are just as guilty. For some odd reason, girls are awful backstabbers that seem to get overlooked because they do things more underhanded. There was a scene in the movie, "Remember Me" that comes to mind. The character Caroline, is the 11 year old sister of Robert Pattinson's character, Tyler. She goes to a good school and is in love with art and drawing. In fact, she even has an art show at a gallery featuring her work. But because she is different, the other girls in her class make her life hell, culminating in inviting her to a slumber party, only to torment her and cut off her hair. Yes, I realize that's a movie, but there are girls that are really like that. Think "Mean Girls."

How do I know about girl bullying? Because I had my moments of being bullied. I won't go into specifics, mostly because it was so long ago and I am over it, and have been for a long time. I'll just say that I was a victim of the infamous 3-way call, a great way for damage to be done in girl world and it was by my supposed best friends. When it happened, it sucked. I was crushed. Luckily, I had people to turn to and years later I realize I'm a better person for that happening. I never wanted anyone to feel the way I did, and still don't.

There's something that you have to realize if you are being bullied, and that's this: YOU ARE BETTER THAN THEY ARE!!!!!!

Repeat that to yourself over and over. The only reason they are doing this is because they have some strange need to feel superior to others, which is probably due to low self-esteem. They are probably really insecure about themselves and are threatened by the fact that you are okay with yourself and who you are. You just can't let them get to you. If it's really bad, talk to someone, like a teacher or parent. Don't let it go on. And no matter how much the bullies try to pull you down, realize there's a whole world out there with people that aren't as ignorant as those around you that are giving you a hard time because of your differences. You can get out there and wave your freak flag, embrace your eccentricities, and you will find others out there that are like you and share your interests.


*Note, this is my first attempt at blogging a hot topic with great seriousness. I'm going to try and do these every once in a while, I just want people to think and consider this stuff. Feel free to comment on your thoughts on this, or other topics you might want to read about...I'm always open to suggestions.

Happy 10/10/10!

Random fact, but I like when things end in 5s and 10s. Also, in case you weren't aware, purple is my favorite color and I plan on having dark purple be my main color when I get married. Therefore, had I been at a different point in my life and had the opportunity, I would have chosen 10/10/10 as my wedding day with my bridesmaids in dark purple dresses.

Oddly enough, I worked a wedding today and the bride selected dark purple for her bridesmaids' dresses. So basically, she had the day I wanted and the color I would have used. What are the odds?

My brother suggested that I aim for 11/11/11 because that would be cooler. And my siblings have also suggested 12/12/12, but both of those would require me to basically get engaged like yesterday so that I'd have time to plan and book because no doubt those dates are going to be busy, much like I assume today has been. And since there's no chance of that happening, unless someone comes and sweeps me off my feet like soonish, which let's be realistic isn't going to happen, those dates will pass by me as well. However, since I like things ending in 5s, there's always 2015. Or in ten years I can have 2020, which could be cool too....but I'm not setting any limits or rules for myself. If I end up getting married in 2017, so be it, as long as I'm happy and with the person I can't live without, it obviously makes no difference what the year is.

Book Review: "One Day" by David Nicholls

First off, I loved this book. It's smart, which is something I have never said about a book before in my life. It's been described by others as a British version of "When Harry Met Sally...", which, I suppose is a pretty accurate surface description of the book. It is about a relationship between Dex and Emma, but the deeper meaning in it is the significance one day has on a life.

Dex and Emma meet the day after they graduate in 1988. As the book goes on, each chapter checks back in with them on that same day every year for 20 years. We see, as time goes on, what the importance of that day really is.

At first I was a bit nervous that the book would be choppy and awkward, but the idea of the story that spanned that long of a relationship made me curious to read it. Author David Nicholls did a good job of stringing together snapshots of the relationship over 20 years. The transitions were seamless. His writing style clues the reader in on what has gone on in the last year of their lives that puts them where they are now by weaving it into the narrative rather than pages of 'Here's what changed. Here's what went on in the year. Now look at what they are doing.'

I could relate to Emma in the beginning of the book, in her fresh out of college years. When the book starts, graduation was the day before, and she and Dex are having a conversation about their lives that lie ahead of them. It said,

"...feeling a ripple of anxiety pass across her shoulders at the thought of it: independent adult life. She didn't feel like an adult. She was in no way prepared. It was as if a fire alarm had gone off in the middle of the night and she was standing on the street with her clothes bundled up in her arms. If she wasn't learning, what was she doing? How would she fill the days? She had no idea."

Don't all graduates with no job lined up feel that way? And maybe even if they do have jobs lined up they feel like that. Since I am in the former category, I can't really speak for the later, but I assume they feel the same. In talking to some of my friends that have jobs, they still feel like 'Ok so I'm an adult and I can't just not go to work if I don't feel like it like I could with class,' and still feel it's kind of weird to be working rather than going to school. I like what Emma believes is the answer to her own question of how to fill up her days. She says,

"The trick of it,...is to be courageous and bold and make a difference. Not change the world exactly, just the bit around you. Go out there with your double first, (side note by me, that's the British way of saying a double major), your passion and your new Smith Corona electric typewriter (side note again, remember this is 1988 people, home computers, internet, all that stuff wasn't around like it is today) and work hard at...something. Change lives through art maybe. Write beautifully. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved if at all possible...."

I wish I could tell you more about this book, but I want you to go pick up a copy and read it yourself. Anything else I could say might give something away. But I will say that at the end of it, I was touched and crying and it was just very real. There are some parts that are a little slow, and all you can think is, 'Are Dex and Emma going to get together or not?' but that's how real life is too. We have our dull moments, but then a lot happens all at once, good and bad, and you kind of wish for those moments of peace back.

I want to talk more on the idea behind it all, the significance one day has on a person's life, but I'll leave that for another time. Until then, go out, get a copy of this book and read it! I really enjoyed it, didn't want it to end, and can't wait for the movie. I hope you feel the same. I'll leave you with a blurb that 'USA Today' wrote on the coming movie, starring Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess.

Reflective Thoughts

When I woke up yesterday morning it was gray outside and drizzly. I was cozy in my bed, so I laid in bed for a while and listened to the new songs I added to my ever growing iTunes last night. Most of them were kind of sad songs, or at least that's what most people listening to them would think. I, however, find some meaning in them, I hear the emotion, connect myself to the song and what it's trying to say. They were putting me in a reflective mood. I thought of the last year of my life. How I've changed, grown as a person. I thought of people that came into my life, the experiences, both good and bad, that really taught me a lot that I wouldn't trade for anything, the handful of regrets that linger in the back of my mind and probably will for quite some time. The end result is that I am ultimately a different person. I might look the same, and generally act the same, but inside I am different. Moments that I said and acted in ways that were "so not me" became more frequent. I was bolder than I have probably ever been before. Friends commented that the change was a good thing. That saying and doing things that were "so not me" maybe really were the person I was inside and I was finally finding myself.

I admit, I'm still scared about a lot of things. Especially with this ongoing job hunt. I'm scared that I won't know what I'm doing when I get one. I'm scared that I'm not going to get the chance to be good at a job because no one is wanting to take a chance on me. In these moments of doubt and fear, I need to remember the chances I took in the last year, whether they lead me to what I wanted or just made me learn a lesson, however harsh it was, and the brave girl behind the chances.

Again with my quotes, I of course have some to throw in here:

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." ~W. Somerset Maugham

"When in doubt, make a food of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell. Leap." ~Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics"

"If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances." ~Julia Sorel (Rosalyn Dexter), "See How She Runs," 1978

I have lots more I could throw in here, but I'll save it for a quote of the day series I may as well start on here, given that I have so many quotes.

Back to my original point before I kind of got off track. I feel like since coming back home, being away from friends, not having a job or school, that this changed self is slowly going away...I find it harder to recognize my life now. I wonder if I was in a coma for the last 4 years. I feel like I am back in high school and it was all just a dream. That nothing has changed, and I am still the super shy girl I was in high school. I feel like my parents still expect me to ask before I go do anything, that I can't just go off and do as I please, despite the fact that I'm 22 and have been living on my own for 4 years. It's like I'm 16 again and the independence I had for 4 years means nothing.

If I could even just hear back from somewhere for an interview. I haven't interviewed anywhere since August, though I have applied places in the last few weeks. It would just be a help to at least get to interview and be rejected from that instead of complete silence, not even the usual courtesy email hotels send out going 'Thanks for applying but we are going with someone more qualified than you' that I usually get.

So readers, here's to hoping I hear from someplace soon so that I can wake up from this coma. Let me find the job that I am meant to have and not be afraid to take a chance and apply for it, and move, if need be, to wherever it is.

Missing School

So I've been out of school for a while now and I have to say, it's still weird. Around July, I was thinking about how I would normally be registering for classes around then. I was sad when I didn't get to buy a new planner after the one I had through July was complete. I didn't have a life to plan anymore. In August, I felt like I should have been starting school. In September, I felt like a huge part of me was missing. I felt like I should have been wandering around SDSU, going to classes, hanging out in the HTM office, meeting friends for lunch in East Commons, reading a book and drinking coffee at the turtle pond between classes. Don't get me wrong, there are things about school I don't miss, like tests, and endless projects that required you to coordinate work and class schedules of like 5 other people. I don't miss those things, but most other stuff I miss. Being introduced to new ideas, new books, randomly running into people on campus, especially ones you haven't seen in a long time and getting a chance to catch up with them, those are things I miss.

I've talked to people who graduated before me, whether it's been one year out or ten years out, they all say that sometimes it's still weird for them to not be at school. It gets easier, but it never fully goes away. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings though.

If you know me, you know that I am a quote-a-holic. I have a book filled with quotes from books, movies, tv, famous people, even some song lyrics. They range in topics, majority being on love and friendship, but also on loss, change, school, books, music, a great many topics. In going through it this evening, I was on the quest for a quote that would fit this topic of missing school post graduation, and of course I found one that fits:

"It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days." ~Isabel Waxman

So true. I know that all during high school I couldn't wait to get to college. Then in college, I couldn't wait to graduate and have the fabulous job, which also meant I had the cute apartment with a pet or two, and go out with friends for drinks after work. In my defense, the economy was a hell of a lot better when I started college, so the idea of having lots of job offers right out of college that would give me the dream job wasn't that far fetched as it is now. But here I am, out of school and I just want to be back there. I wish I could go back. I wish things could be the way they were before. I want a re-do. Maybe not of all 4 years, but at the very least senior year. I had an amazing senior year. I want the rewind button to go back and do senior year over again. Anyone know where to get that? The adult world isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's like Meredith said on "Grey's Anatomy" in season 1, "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"